The Thought Vox

Leaving a place can feel a lot like losing a relationship. I came to Toronto in my mid twenties: some 16+ years ago. I love this city for many of her qualities. I will always believe this is one of the greatest cities on earth, in spite of those who perpetrate violence and crime. They are not Toronto… they are misguided souls who happen to reside here.

Just as it’s possible to love more than one person, it’s possible to love more than one place. Prince Edward Island will always be my first home: the first land I loved. Toronto is my second home and leaving is bitter sweet.

So why go? I’ve been asked lots of questions over the past few weeks. Fairly so; after all I decided to move 28 minutes after my plane touched down in Vancouver. It was my first visit there and I was struck by an epiphany: “I’m going to live here.” From that moment I couldn’t stop thinking about how to make it happen.

British Columbia is beautiful. Being a costal gal, I was drawn in by her ocean. The mountains clinched the deal for me. Two of the best things nature offers, sitting there, next to each other. I continued to fall deeper and deeper in love with the place as the days passed. When I left, the missing was intense and it has remained that way.

Sometimes we have to take risks that would normally scare the shit out of us. I’m a rational person. I’ve always looked at all sides of the equation before rushing in to large decisions. Not this time. My gut spoke and I’ve ignored every suggestion that this might be a bad idea. It may sound crazy to pack up a life and sell enough stuff to pay to move the stuff I want… but that really was the only plan I had. So far, it’s working smashingly.

Life’s opportunities rarely wait till we can afford them. Sometimes we just have to trust that everything will work out. We have to welcome success and shut out the “what-ifs.” Money is a convenience ~ it should never dictate our lives. For anyone who is thinking: “Easy for you to say,” well, I had $24 to my name when I arrived back in Toronto and announced I was moving to B.C. As for assets: long gone. It doesn’t take long to blow through savings and RRSP’s when one is ill and unemployed for a couple of years. However, I have always trusted that I would be okay and things would work out. So far, there has always been enough to get by. There has always been a roof. I’m extremely lucky and blessed. A little faith goes a long way

I was fortunate to have my family visit last week. We toured the city and visited many of the places I love. It was the first time here for my nephews and they had the time of their lives. From the Metro Zoo, to a Blue Jay’s game, to the ROM, Castle Loma, a harbor cruise, the Distillery District, the Eaton Centre, the CN Tower, and on and on… they loved it. I felt blessed (and exhausted) to be able to be a tour guide to MY TOWN one last time. It was the perfect swan song to end one chapter of my life and to bid a proper farewell to a city I love.

During a recent trip to California Linda Woods, Karen Dinino, and I, finally had the opportunity to meet in person. Which is odd, considering we’ve been in constant contact for five years and also co-authored the book, “Meeting In The Ladies Room,” together (now available in Kindle format).

Linda & Karen are two very talented sisters who create with no boundaries and encourage others to do the same. They have two best selling “how-to” books about journaling and creating personal art: Visual Chronicles & Journal Revolution

While crashing with Linda and her fantastic husband, Dustin, we had some time to create a mixed-media canvas together. Though I’ve been painting since I was four-years-old, mixed media is still a tad scary for me. Different mediums and canvass: I have no trouble manipulating; add glue, paper, stamps, tissue, etc., to the equation is something else. I was lucky to have a mixed-media expert showing me her techniques and encouraging me to jump in.

A true collaboration, “FREEDOM,” is a piece represents our lives as well as the storms we all must travel through in order to arrive at our true selves. Freedom brings us home to ourselves when we learn to honour and trust our inner compass. From the moment we began applying paint, paper, and glue, we were on the same track. Creating art with friends is a gift. There’s a trust to take artistic risks and be honest about every element. I’m quickly becoming a big fan of artist collaborations!

For Linda’s take on our project: A Boat Called Freedom.

We’ve received so much feedback that we decided to make prints available in my Etsy Shop.

For those interested in mugs, t-shirts, hats, or bags you can visit HERE!

Images & Words Copyright 2010 Linda Woods & Pamela Detlor

Father’s day seems to come around faster every year. In the weeks leading up to it advertisements staring “perfect” dads are everywhere. “Buy the perfect gift for him…”
Going to be honest: I can’t relate. It’s time to honor those other dads: the ones who suck. Why should they be left out every year? Why, that’s just not fair!

DISCLAIMER:
There are plenty of fine men out there: Awesome dads who love and support their children. If you’re one of these good men… I’m not talking to you. This is a list for “DADS” in name only. The sort, of fathers, that are not there, don’t care, and have little/no remorse for it.

WARNING:
If you are easily offended… this would be a good place to stop reading.

TOP 5 BEST GIFTS FOR DEADBEAT DADS:
(So, you’ve chosen to keep reading… it’s on you…)

5) A daily dose of Saltpeter ~ To cut down on the spreading of Baby Batter.

4) Front row seats to “Puppetry For The Penis ~ So he can learn how to TIE A KNOT IN IT!

3) An apartment across from the food bank ~ So he can see who feeds his children.

2) A Lap Dance ~ So he can wonder, “Why does this gal look so familiar?” as he shoves cash in her g-string.

1) A 365 day calendar with EVERY day BOLDLY marked FATHER’S DAY ~ Because if he thinks father’s day is only one day a year, he’s got no business breeding.

It’s not the lies that people tell about us that hurt most. It’s that others choose to believe those lies without evidence, or looking at our past behavior ~ which does NOT give merit to those lies.

I am not the lies you’ve told about me. You are the lies YOU tell.

Time reveals all truths.

Nobody is perfect… including me; so cut me some slack here and there.

The high road is the only road to take, even when you seem to be up there alone.

Sometimes friends aren’t really friends: they’re more habit than anything.

Blood is not always thicker than water; it’s just harder to wash out.

Parents give us life; they don’t always teach us how to live.

If you have an awesome parent(s): Tell them they are great and say thanks! “Thanks Mom!”

When you rush to judgment about a person: you could be missing out on someone great.

If you don’t honor your truth: you live a lie.

Living for others is the same as being dead.

Be yourself.

Trust your gut.

Hate is cancer.

Don’t take on the drama of others.

Rise above darkness.

Be willing to admit when you’re wrong.

Ultimatums are for sissies.

All who love and support us are golden.

Life is a gift.

Happiness is a CHOICE.

For 16 years Toronto has been my home. I love this city and proudly list its virtues to all who visit me here. As time moves on I am more disillusioned by the behavior of some of our citizens. What’s more sickening that the actions of thugs is the inaction of “the man on the street.”

On May 1st a 79 year-old man was mugged by two young men (on a subway car) while, approximately, 25 onlookers did/said NOTHING. After the doors opened and the men fled, the 79 year-old man chased after them. At this point, no witnesses have come forward.

I can’t imagine sitting by and watching anyone being victimized, I’m outraged by this.
There was no shortage of press and people expressing distain over the incident. If you own a TV, use the Internet, or read the paper, in this city, YOU heard about it. One might think that such an incident would inspire people to be more aware and caring for their fellow man. Perhaps it has. However, on May 2nd, I was headed to a charity fundraiser with Joey. The Queen Streetcar was packed. It was a double car. We were in the connecter section inside the second car. A young guy (25ish) was roughly pushing through the crowd. He was purposefully shoving people hard. Nobody said a word (he was too far back for the TTC driver to see). He was nearing Joey and I barreling through people. He shoved a woman into the wall just in front of me. Then he shoved Joey, who weighs 115lbs (The guy was 5’11”(ish) – approximately 200 lbs). Then we were face to face. I sternly said, “Excuse me: are the words you’re looking for.” He glared and shoved me. So I punched him between the shoulder blades (as he passed) with every thing I had. He turned around ready to strike back, and looked very surprised that I was the one who hit him. I said, “You don’t go around shoving people! You say excuse me!” He started mouthing something and fake signing with his hands. A man, who was OVER 6’ tall, who WATCHED, this asshole shoving women and people smaller than him, a man who SAID NOTHING, said, “You punched a deaf guy!”
SERIOUSLY!?
The asshole had ear bud speakers in his ears. I said “Well he’s listening to music – that’s a pretty good trick for a deaf guy.” Also – Even if he was deaf, that does not allow for assaulting people! Then they guy motioned for me to suck his dick. Again, the brave 6’ tall man and ALL the other men on that JAMMED car said NOTHING.

I am not a violent person. I never advocate violence of any sort. However, I do believe in self-defense and being my brother’s keeper. Apparently I (a recovering Christian) was the only one, on that car, who ever stepped inside a church. I saw no evidence of “Do unto others as you’d have them do onto you.” I saw nobody “Lend a hand.” I saw GROWN MEN, far bigger and stronger than me, pretending to see nothing: just TURNING their heads. I wonder if they would like to come home to a wife, mother, sister, or daughter and hear she was assaulted and not one of the 100+ people on the streetcar gave a shit about them.

I was livid and loudly said, “What the fuck is wrong with this town?” It gets worse and worse everyday! People watch a senior citizen get mugged; people watch women being shoved around and just turn a blind eye! What the HELL?”

I’m sure most people thought I was crazy. As for the asshole: he was trying very hard to move away from me… without shoving people. Unfortunately for him, the car was full and he couldn’t get more than a foot away from me. I stood and glared at him for 10 minutes as we rode along. He kept averting his eyes. A few women nodded in approval. Most people would not make eye contact with me.

There seems to be an epidemic of fear and indifference in this town (all towns). We can’t intervene or stand up for ourselves/others for fear of being maimed/killed. The hope seems to be that it’s someone else targeted and not us. NICE! Perhaps my defending against physical assault was risky. Possibly the asshole could have had a knife or a gun. Is the fear of maybe getting shot or stabbed enough to justify WATCHING someone else getting assaulted and doing NOTHING? For me, it’s not!

During the Holocaust the Catholic Church turned a blind eye as the Nazis marched hundreds-of-thousands of Jews to death camps. That fell under “Not my fight.” To me, watching one person terrorized is every bit as bad as watching a million people terrorized. How would you like it if it were YOU?

What’s the answer here? Are we in it alone? Whether we’re in a crowd of 200 people or alone: Are we ALONE? WHAT IF IT WAS YOU UNDER ATTACK?

I’m not saying go ape-shit on people OR start conflict. There is no need for vigilantism. I’m saying: DO SOMETHING when you SEE SOMETHING! Almost everybody has a cell phone. Dial 911, and if someone is being beaten, STEP IN. SAY SOMETHING! Yell STOP/FIRE! If you just stand there watching you may as well be pounding people too.

These are our towns, our communities. I promise you: if 10 people tell 1 asshole to calm down – 9 times out of 10, he will calm down. If citizens everywhere would form united fronts in the face of violence, bullies would start to think twice about starting anything. As it stands now, they can be confident that they can do whatever the hell they please, as most people are looking out for number one or afraid to step up.

PLEASE: Do the right thing, people.

*Note:
I didn’t call the police or alert TTC security. I probably should have contacted them after the fact. In the days following the incident I was so angry at all of the people on that streetcar that I was not thinking of legal protocol. I have no regret for striking back. In the future if anyone puts their hands on me in a violent manner, I will defend myself and I will report it.