Love
What does anyone really know about love?
How can the young write songs of love and loss that seem to come from souls that have loved for a million years? Maybe we’re born knowing when love is present and when it’s not.
I remember, vividly, playing Charley Pride 8-Tracks on my Grandmother’s floor model stereo. I sat in her rocking chair, with the brown/yellow plaid seat covers, rocking and singing along. I knew every word at five-years-old. I was too young to know what romantic love was, but I knew it was powerful. Songs told stories; short stories without pages to turn.
There were families with moms and dads and what appeared to be happiness. I believed “Kiss an Angel” was their story.
“You’ve got to kiss an angel good morning
And let her know you think about her when you’re gone
Kiss an angel good morning
And love her like the devil when you get back home”
My father was not present in our lives. We had a mother who worked very hard to take care of us. “Does My Ring Hurt Your Finger” and “I’m so lonesome I could cry,” were about us. These songs understood the things that were missing from a life. I liked them the most.
I don’t remember a time in my life when music wasn’t present. There was always a record player and songs about love – even in the worst of times. Though, often, I didn’t understand the words, I understood longing. I felt the words deeply.
“I am in you and you in me, mutual in divine love.”
William Blake
Blake made love sound simple, and perhaps is just that: simple. I’ve yet to have romantic love that endures, still, I’m no stranger to love divine. At times it lasted for what seemed like a moment. At times love lingered for years at a time, it felt eternal – until it drifted softy into the ether, while ripping violently from the soul.
© Linda Woods. Click image to purchase.
Anything that injures or diminishes the soul is not love, regardless of how it presents itself. Knowing what isn’t love is every bit as important as knowing what it is. Love is never unkind.
This feeling that has the capacity to lift us higher than we can describe, is the thing that can bring us to our knees – leaving us there for months on end. But where would we be without it?
I don’t believe in “The One” I believe there are many fits for each of us. When/if we arrive at a person we will never leave, that person is “The Final” – not “The One.” Every person we’ve ever kissed has led to somewhere else. The ones we regret show us what we don’t want. The ones we lay with, for what we though might be forever, taught us what was wonderful – until the wonder was gone. We never forget what the wonder of love feels like. It moves to a place in the soul where it’s no longer about the people we experienced it with. It becomes a place we want to return to with “The Final.”
There is no drug like love. There is no state sweeter than “in love.” Sometimes I miss that feeling. I don’t long for it – but I miss it. I hope it comes back around one final time. In the mean time, I’m high on the wonder of life. Mine is a blessed existence, filled with non-romantic love.
What I know for sure: souls thrive when we’re connected. The love of family, chosen family, and animals sustains and brings me joy. I couldn’t exist without love.
05/01/2009 at 5:41 am
The older I get, the more I cherish non-romantic love. It’s not heady and it’s not consuming, but it STAYS. It nourishes, it’s loyal, it’s not afraid of flaws and imperfections, it doesn’t strive, it doesn’t wonder, it just IS.
05/01/2009 at 6:31 am
My father was “not present” in our lives as well … maybe that makes us more willing to believe in love in an odd way. And it makes us more willing to accept that love ends, but it is never THE end.
05/01/2009 at 7:45 am
Any reflective piece that starts with Charlie Pride has my attention, and a part of who I was back then sits quietly down with a cup of coffee and hopes to see shards of who I am today . For the record, I’m on my second cup.
Pam, this is a wonderfully thoughtful piece. Your ability to grow from every painful and beautiful person you have encountered and “given” yourself to “love” is really the entire lesson in it all, isn’t it?
We seek out what we need when we need it. Some of us need to repeat the lesson and the pain over and over again, just to “feel”-it becomes the love we long for, that feeling of “losing yourself”. I think you have hit that phenomenal evolved wall of never wanting to lose yourself again. You are complete, gorgeous, hilarious, talented , intelligent and witty. I have a feeling there are going to be more women finding themselves getting “lost” in you ,this next phase of your life..
Just a gorgeous piece of writing Pam.
So Glad I get to be a part of this unique and brilliant little world of souls that have found themselves through simple cables and wires reading your words here today.
We get to see your wit and hilarity every day, I love the fact that I got to see a side of you, you were willingly able to expose with such care and compassion. I like people who garner their strength from being real and vulnerable-You’re one of the strongest women I know.
Blessings on your remarkable Head!
05/01/2009 at 7:58 am
You are loved by many and touch many with your words. Wishing you peace, love and happiness…always! Beautifully written…again!
05/01/2009 at 8:50 am
The ones we’d never leave but who left us taught us something, too. Those fuckers!
Great post!
05/01/2009 at 11:06 am
Pamela, though we’ve never met physically (yet!) I honestly feel that we have that special relationship that you describe as “non-romantic love”. Love coupled with respect and a certain cherishing.
I was quite moved by this touching piece. As usual you have over-delivered.
Just remember, next time you swing out west you have a comfortable, snug place to hang out for a spell.
Sending blessings of love, friendship and solidarity,
Michael.
05/01/2009 at 11:35 am
Love, the one thing that puts us all on a level playing field. We can be swept up by love. We can be taken by love we can be touched by love and we can be lost in love. It is the one thing that is common to everyone in the world. We all love. We all hurt when we lose love. We all can be flying high with it. There are so many levels. The love of another human being. Love experienced in a millisecond when one human being is helping another. We all have that urge. The love of life that we all can experience every day. The loss of love that tears us inexplicably up inside like a raging fire that burns our core.
Common things that the entire world experiences … it threads us together weather we like it or not. Thankfully it threads us together.
If we could all just stop and take a breath and know that in the words of the captain and toni tennille. Love, Love will keep us togther.
The love of a friend, the love of a pet, the love of a parent, the love of a child, the love we all have in us so much that we want to connect always, to something, someone,someplace to show and experience our love. To share our love.
Thanks for writing such wonderful words and sharing your thoughts and photos. They were truly beautiful!
Jen
05/01/2009 at 11:36 am
Thoughts on love, for me, first and foremost it never judges. Love accepts all for who they are and what they represent. You can love someone with your whole entire being until it hurts with that ache that never lets up but always leaves you wanting more. Love is painful, at times, as it ends sometimes without warning leaving an empty void for what feels like an eternity. Without love we don’t know hurt because with love comes hurt, but to know that we have been loved and can love others without boundaries gives a feeling of freedom within. I don’t judge, I love with my entire soul with some and with others it is a quieter love. I can love someone in spite of them hurting me, I can see through the hurt and still wish them a good life. I love my family and my friends. Love is accepting all things, good and bad but allowing people to be true to their beliefs and not wanting to change them but embrace all they bring. Love can be so many things but without it we can be lost. All people deserve a little love…
05/01/2009 at 11:41 am
What more is there to say? You have articulated the experience of love beautifully, looked at it from every direction.
I adore your use of “final” love rather than ‘”one” love. That makes sense to me.
It all makes sense, because I too feel like I have a blesseed existance without the romance. Its an ok place to be. Its where I most get your described experience of not “longing” for love, rather, just ‘missing it’
Thank you for expressing this and sharing it so nicely.
By the way, being high on the wonder of life is one of the things that makes you so beautiful, plus your sharing, giving, creating,…………all will without a doubt attract something beautiful to your life.
Linda Woods’s artwork is gorgeous, and I agree with her last comment, great post!
05/01/2009 at 11:51 am
I have read that in your daily life , from moment to moment, you can break everything down to it’s bear element. You are either in Fear or in Love. Love itself has so many levels that we will never agree on what it is. Scientifically you can even say that it is just a reaction of dopamine to the brain. Anyway our egos get in the way of it purely.
But really, try this experiment. Go through your day and every little thing you are doing or thinking try to break it down to Fear or Love.
The perspective switch is awe striking and yet so simplistic
05/01/2009 at 12:18 pm
I’m loving your thoughts! Keep em coming
Good luck to all on the draw and thanks to Linda for her generous donation!
05/01/2009 at 12:42 pm
You can say that again. Kudos my dear Pam…for pouring your heart out and letting us in for a peek at the beautiful person that you are.
This hit me big time….my thoughts are deeper with a fever and when I am sick in bed …I have just cried some tears of LOVE… I have kissed an angel when she was here on Earth…and now I long to kiss her… but she’s gone.
My love angel is my Mum… I can so clearly hear her words to me “I’m not afraid of dying dear…it’s just that I won’t be able to ring you up.”
Our last words shared with each other as she lay in palliative care hours before dying…
I kissed her forehead and whispered “see you later alligator”…a long moment of silence before she weakly replied…. “crocodile…”
I love you Mum…
05/01/2009 at 12:43 pm
I loved this entry, Pamela. Your line, “Anything that injures or diminishes the soul is not love, regardless of how it presents itself” is brilliant. So true! You’re an amazing writer..keep it comin’!!
And thanks to the talented Linda for her fantastic donation!!!
05/01/2009 at 1:24 pm
So beautifully written!! I’ve looked at love from many sides, now, and I think I have lost my illusions. Disillusionment is at once sad and empowering.
05/01/2009 at 1:51 pm
Pam – this is such a beautiful reflection that describes love as it actually is – simple and complex in equal measure.
I have no idea what romantic love is all about, or if I have ever really even been in love but, like you, I know I am thankful every day for the quality of the non-romantic love I have been lucky enough to find in my life. Through my family and friends, of course, but most of all through music. My relationship with music is one of the most important, enduring and profound relationships in my life – it is the one partner I know will never let me down or leave me, while always being exactly what I need it to be.
05/01/2009 at 5:23 pm
Hey Pam, I love your writing. I guess you already know from my chat comment a few of my feelings on love. I really think you get the love you feel you deserve. If the love you get is not the love you want you really have to think about the messages you are sending to others about your worth. The best part is if you take some time to really like yourself and love yourself you will draw people to you who will do the same. It seems to me Pamela that you must like yourself an awful lot because lots of other people like you
05/01/2009 at 6:40 pm
Your Love over whelms me!
thank you for all the wonders you have given me.
05/01/2009 at 7:18 pm
“What I know for sure: souls thrive when we’re connected. The love of family, chosen family, and animals sustains and brings me joy. I couldn’t exist without love.”
YES.
05/01/2009 at 7:49 pm
This is lovely. It made my heart hurt and sing…..
05/01/2009 at 9:25 pm
Love is what makes us who we are. we love and we know the risk of love is to be hurt, but we love regardless, as we must. to love is to live. there have been times in my life where I have loved and been hurt by that love and wondered how I would ever love like that again? the beauty of love is it endures. the hurt disapates, and we love again without regret. Love entices us back , we want to feel it, to give it to take risks with it. feeling love or the hurt from lost love makes us feel. we need to feel, we all search out deep love as we want to feel as much as we can. I am never afraid to love, to be hurt, to risk….as the possibltiy of great love is so intoxicating. we all want that, so we love. we love as we are human and we have the choice to love……the only choice is to love without restraint, without fear. the worst that can come of love is hurt, but the best is so incredible….we take that risk.
we are made to love. love freely, love passionalty, love tenderly….we love.
05/02/2009 at 12:08 am
I believe deeply in the power of love….the Dalai Lama writes about ‘Expanding Love’. Thanks for your lovely blog and generous spirit.
05/02/2009 at 6:20 am
This is a terrific post on love! Great thoughts AND a great job putting them in writing!
05/02/2009 at 7:57 am
I like what you said about (ok, well – everything) missing, but not longing for that feeling of being in love. It is powerful and can feel all-consuming – and when it’s gone – a gaping hole. My life doesn’t revolve around finding it again – recapturing what was lost – but it was a great feeling and I miss it sometimes. As you indicated – I often think of Huey Lewis – I Want a New Drug – one that makes me feel like I feel when I’m with you. Until you’ve felt that, his song makes no sense.
I love Charlie Pride too…and as a kid knew the words to many songs from 8-tracks…that I’ve put on the iPod so my little girls can also love the songs I’ve always loved.
Great post.
05/02/2009 at 10:22 am
Thank you for the spirit you let through. What a great thing to ponder……….LOVE.
05/02/2009 at 11:44 am
Oh, I know a thing or two about love. Yup, love.
Love love.
: )
~love
05/02/2009 at 2:47 pm
What a great post.
05/02/2009 at 9:10 pm
Wow! Thanks for a beautiful essay. I find that love is the most beautiful when I get words of it when I don’t feel particularly lovable. When my husband showers me with words and touches of love and I am in pain & feeling prickly, it’s special. I don’t always have to be soft and sweet to be loved. I adore the love I get from Zoe, my cat. Cats don’t show their love as immediately as dogs, so I treasure it when she chooses to lay against my legs or play with her paws. That complete trust is amazing love.
05/03/2009 at 12:06 pm
Ah, lovers–the exes, the oh’s. The ones who sneak under your skin and become your very bones.
From innocent, sloppy bar stool kisses to the pleasure of listening to another deep in sleep and dream, it’s a process of refinement.
The bodies change below our fingertips, and we take the best and worst in pockets of our hearts to the next head-on collision with love, what we hope to be the “Final.”
Or, is it, Finally? Finally I met you, the one I didn’t even know I was looking for. When the refined list vanishes like invisible ink, and the critical elements change in the face of surprise and wonder by a love that catches you off guard. Like a seagull shitting on you, or the grocery store cashier forgetting to ring in the wheel of brie.
Yeah, that’s love. Unexpected, kicking down the door like a gangsta.
05/03/2009 at 5:51 pm
Greetings All
I’ve enjoyed all your thoughts and the time you’ve given to visit here and read my thoughts. Linda just did the draw for the 2 art prints in her LA home and the verdict is in.
Heidi Groff Has won the “LOVE” print http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=24137089
Jen Has won the “Company Policy” Print http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=24146136
Again: THANK YOU ALL!
Pamela
05/04/2009 at 11:09 am
What an incredibly beautiful post Pam! Thank you for sharing! I bought that same print from Linda a while ago. It’s one of my all time favorite Linda Woods art pieces! Your post is now also one of my favorite blog entries I’ve read in a long, long time!
05/07/2009 at 6:53 pm
beautiful, articulate and true post..
I love your new web home!
peace and bliss,
Ngaire
x
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