Writing has felt like a chore the past few weeks. It’s not a case of writers block, that’s never been an issue for me. My spirit just hasn’t been into it.
I’ve sat down with nothing but disappointment in my heart, without a want or willingness to write it down. As the days slipped past I hoped that the way I felt would slide on as well. Unfortunately, this hasn’t been the case.
It’s been brought to my attention that I’ve been referred to as both “insensitive” by one, and “over sensitive” by another. I will admit that the latter has merit, at times, but not this time.
As far as “insensitive” goes ~ you got the wrong gal. Just because I chose not to get mixed up in the self-created drama or offer financial assistance to a complete stranger, this doesn’t make me insensitive. It makes me wise enough to spot a “Taker” and walk away. Fact is: I’m out of the savior business ~ perhaps, sweetheart, you didn’t get the memo.
This time of year is hard on the body and even harder on the mind. Nature is dying ~ entering a lengthy slumber. I find inspiration scarce. It seems a lot of people are going through change, feeling bad, and projecting crap outward. I’ve been feeling a general lack of energy everywhere.
Daily, I look at the large bookcases straddling the fireplace in my orange room. From floor to ceiling there are words jammed in everywhere. I think about packing up all those words and disappearing.
I’m not depressed, not even close. I am feeling let down by some of the people I love. Nobody’s perfect, certainly, I’m not, but I believe there should be a level of respect between people who claim to “love” each other.
In the stretch of a week I was blindsided by one friend who decided she didn’t require my friendship any further. This after many years of my running to her aid, defending her honor and loving her like a sister. Although, she gets kudos for the series of well crafted, grammatically perfect, e-mails explaining her lack of need for my presence in her world heretofore.
Following that I watched one friend treat another friend very badly without seeing the slightest thing wrong with his behavior. All the while another friend sided with the friend in the wrong ~ regardless of the fact that a similar thing had been done to him a few weeks earlier, and he was devastated. I’ve also come to know that someone I trusted has been lying to me on a regular basis.
I’ve been sitting with this exceptional amount of bullshit that, really, doesn’t belong to me. It’s one thing to be hurt by those you love, and quite another to take on their toxins.
I have no ill will toward anyone, not one soul. I want good things for others. I am not insensitive or oversensitive. What I am is disheartened by it all.
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