There are things we never want to relive. People we don’t want in our space. Times better left forgotten. When I move past the difficult I have no desire to sit with it again. The old: been there – done that.
When things come wafting back there is little to do but deal the best we can. The ghosts, complete with the chains of Dickens, “Christmas Past”, have been circling. Funny, the things that once made me sad – now, simply, clutter my mind. Not with anger or hurt, but with unwanted memories of a time survived.
Some people will never understand the gravity of their words and actions. They will never say, “I’m sorry.” I’m not one of those people. I regret harsh words spoken in the heat of a moment. I have said, “I’m sorry,” many times. As the years pass I say it less and less because I’m aware of the power of a sentence. People hold on to the words we say so we can’t just toss them out there without consideration.
I was given some information yesterday. My initial thought was, “fuckin’ great – this again.” I didn’t get angry, but I wasted precious energy on something that is long dead and buried. I had a restless sleep and woke up thinking, “ I have to get this out of my head.” It really is a choice: happiness. We choose what we spend our energy on and I’m not spending another second on history; especially when it worked out for the best in the end.
There are days when the past pops up like a jack-in-the-box with a bad soundtrack. What we do with these days is up to us. I think I’ll clean my room and then finish a painting… I’ve been away from my brushes for far too long.
Joey – Circa 2005
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